Bnd90 - A Day In The Life

This is my new place for my blog that I have on MJJC. Many have wanted to read what I post there. I will start with my last post I made there

this made me cry. i've been tearin up for almost an hour now i havent gotten this emotional over michael in months....

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via my post from the other day, i have been feeling better. the stress of school has gotten less and less as i have less than a week left. i've come to accept what happens now happens, and im gonna have to just deal with it. another burden to bear on my shoulders.

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the holidays are soon here. last year i didnt feel christmasy at all, this year its a bit better, but i still dont feel the joy that the holiday brought before. i love christmas time. everything is so beautiful, with the lights and all. sometimes i'll just sit in my living room and just sit there staring at my christmas tree with all the lights on it the hectic time for the holidays start this coming wednesday. im driving down to my aunts....again.....spending a few days there and coming back by monday (i think) we always have christmas eve and christmas day at my house. inviting all of my family (or whats left of them) thats about 10 people. last year it was about 20, the year before that, 50-60. my mom use to cook all the italian fish and go all out but now she doesnt really bother. she makes the italian cookies still.

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sometimes i say to myself, "i should take a break from mjjc, your on it way to much" i try, but i cant stay off. i know i should, but i cant.

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3:04 a.m.

i know, i sound whiny. i know, i sound like im always looking for sympathy, but im not. i'm just .... *sniffles* *starts to cry* .... this is what my life is like. its real. its real. all of it. my heart aches. my head aches. the constant love and comfort i most desire to have, never comes. sure, i have john, but to me thats different. theres a certain kind of love out there, that i have never experienced, thats slowly but surely eating me away. i know i have it from motsey, stephen, dannii, and the rest of you, but in real life, beyond the screen of my laptop, i dont have it. ever. i cant think, for one time in my life where i've had the love i get from you. not once. and .... it just hurts me. its not fair. its not right. how can a person exist? how can someone be put through the torture like i feel everyday? .... i wish i could be loved. i wish i could have a single person in my life that would be with me. to just be there, and give me the love, i so desperately long for.



im sorry.....

oops i forgot i didnt post under this name

i mean this name lol double oops lol

i dont feel like posting tonight. not in the mood

*takes a rain check*

ily stephen

12/15/09


This week is finals week. Tomorrow is my last day of exams. I took Psychology yesterday, English and HIStory is today, and tomorrow is Philosophy.

It's less stressful to take these exams but the closer the end of the semester comes the closer I keep thinking for the stress that will follow. I'm just going to relax, play it cool, enjoy Christmas, and when the time comes for my grades, it will come. I'm not gonna look beforehand. I don't wanna know, it's gonna be that bad

I'm just fearing the day. It's not going to be a good day for me and I won't be on here for at least a week or a month or so after I really don't know what will happen but I know it's not going to be a fun time for me

Just know, I will be T.O.Y. all during the whole ordeal. your L.O.V.E. will keep me going

Anyways,

I'm going to my aunts tomorrow, I'm going to leave my computer home. I'm taking a break from here. It's not going to be pretty but I need it. I'll still have my phone for tweets but thats about it. I will check my emails if you wanna do that. but for mjjc, here, and msn. I wont be on for at least 4/5 days.

cya

bollocks i always get these two mixed up! oh well

We'll miss you Brit if you are away for any amount of time when that comes...more than you know

Brittttttt

Brittt

Happy pre-holidays!

12/16/09


Last night I had my HIStory exam. The exam itself was easy. It was all on WWII and I'm a secret HIStory buff I finished the main part of the exam in 30 mins Then there was the essay. I read it and literally loled. I'll try to write to similar for what I put for the answer

"Answer the following: What is your favourite country and why?"

ummmmmmmmm...............i have to pick one? ......... I have like 5 .......

"I don't have one favourite country. I have 5. I honestly can't pick one over the other. England, the US, Poland, Austria, and Belgium. I'm a big fan of European countries. I went to Belgium with my mom in 2000 and I more than loved it. I honestly refused to get on the plane to come home I loved all the culture and the different languages. Just all of it was amazing. England is more so towards the top of the list. I honestly like it better than the US Friends that I have from there are amazingly nice. If I could I would live there. I have a Union Jack in my room too Poland and Austria are for the same reason. I have pictures all over my room of both and it just looks so peaceful and relaxing. When I went to Belgium the family that we stayed with gave me a bunch of pictures they had hanging on their walls to take home with me. I've wanted to go ever since."



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I'm off to my aunts in maryland today. I wont be on here till i come back. I'll only have my phone so i can still tweet.

ILY all

L.O.V.E.